


A Pity She Does Not Exist

by theheadlessqueen



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gender Identity, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Questioning, RPF, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Character, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 17:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6433651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheadlessqueen/pseuds/theheadlessqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s all fun and games until someone starts having feelings for their best friend in makeup and pretty clothes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Pity She Does Not Exist

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of the “First Date/Fart” sketch.  
> And the song “Andrew in Drag” by The Magnetic Fields. This is a song written by a gay man about a straight man who falls in love with his best friend in drag, and now me (a trans person) is writing a fic based off of it. I’m a sucker for unrequited love and song fics.

To begin with, this wasn’t new.

Rhett and Link were used to dressing up in drag playing women characters. They’ve played “Rhettina”, “Lorhetta”, “Linkita”, “Tracey”, “McKenna” and a slew of other very silly characters. But “Angel” was new. She wasn’t supposed to be silly, or funny in her femininity. The sketch itself was a joke, the point of a total dude-bro trying to impress his date, but accidentally farting. The funny part wasn’t that Link was in drag. On the contrary, Link’s makeup and wig looked very, very good. Too good.

This was new. 

Their characters were supposed to be extremely attracted to one another and then go for a kiss, and cut away at the last second. Was it a shame that Rhett didn’t want to cut away? Would he be lying to himself if he didn’t want to listen to Link talk in that soft voice and look at him with those gorgeous blue eyes? Would it be a complete disaster if Link didn’t take off the make up and went home with Rhett pretended to be “Angel” for one night? Yes. Yes. And Yes. 

Rhett McLaughlin was very confident in who he was. Was. He knew that he identified as a straight man. He had a wife, whom he loved dearly, a family and everything was right in the world. He and Link have been best friends for years, and nothing was going to change that. Despite all of the suspicion, they were purely platonic. But something inside of him stirred when he saw Link look a certain way in that car….Rhett is attracted to femininity and that’s fine. But what if your friend looks like a literal angel on earth? In that certain sunlight, the softness, the dusty rose lips were so entrancing. 

Rhett was still lost in a reverie when he heard, “Hey, man are you coming or what?” Link got out of the car and was already taking off the long wig. “Uh, yeah brother just spacing out.” He chuckled softly and jumped out of the car. 

In that moment, Rhett realized that he would never see “Angel” again. This wasn’t a real person. But he loved her. He loved the idea of her. He loved seeing Link so pretty and dressed up. He loved that Link got so into character, but he was just that. A character. Link dressed up for a sketch, and that’s the end of it. Rhett fell in love with a fake person and that’s the end of it.


	2. Time to Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing yourself in your own head isn’t the worst things in the world, maybe falling in love with your best friend isn’t the worst thing either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the world in which Rhett starts having feelings for Link, but only as 'Angel'….here’s the catch: Link is also trying to figure out gender and sexuality. In this AU Link is not a cis male. (Again, I am also trans and I’ll be using mostly they/them pronouns for Link, but “she/her” as ‘Angel’.)

_We made a promise_

_After this we'd quit_

_Remember it'll all blow over_

_We'll meet again when the temperature is lower_

_If we don't turn each other in dear_

_We'll be fine_

_Time to disappear_

 

To begin with, this wasn’t new.

Link was used to dressing up and acting as all sorts of different and funny characters. But here’s the thing: Angel wasn’t a character. That *was* Link….well a different side, a different flavor, a part of Link that no one ever got to see until today. Usually Link tried to distance away from thoughts of not feeling quite right, or moments of unclarity. However, when Link was alone with no one in the house, they took a moment to just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Taking just a moment to not have the pressures of masculinity, not have the pressures of being a “family man”, part of some sort of franchise.

People seeing you in public as Angel. This was new.

Never fitting completely, but also not completely hating it: identifying as a “man” wasn’t as easy as you’d think it would be. You have so many societal pressures, so many expectations. So many arbitrary conditions in which you were supposed to fit into your role. But there are moments of real clarity and peace when you can just be a different version, a softer version, a calmer and more relaxed version. It’s not that you aren’t being truthful, or that you aren’t “authentic” 100% of the time, because you are! It’s just that you’re never what people expect 100% of the time. You are you. Just a different version of you. You’ve always said it would be a secret between “me, myself and I”. How does that work out? Does escaping into your head work? Sometimes. Sometimes….You’re not supposed to be this way! This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. But it’s the way it is.

Now you’re here. In a car. Doing a skit. As the person you’ve never been able to be until now.

How does it feel? Amazing? Exhilarating? Scary? A mess? Mostly like you’re going to throw up, but it’s like tasting the sunlight for once after a long winter. It’s exciting, but you’re gonna miss it once it’s gone again.

You look into the eyes of your best friend, and you see something change. You know it’s just a skit….but is it something more? Are you reading too much into this? Are you over analyzing? Aren’t you always?

  
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. You’ll take off your wig, you’ll take off your makeup, you’ll take off your dress. You’ll go pretend like nothing happened, go get a beer with Rhett and pretend this version of you doesn’t exist. It’s fine.

It’s not like people would like this version anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics come from the song "The Best Treasure Stays Buried" by Zoey Van Goey. Please let me know what you think, I'm trying to use second person with Link/Angel, what do people think of this?


	3. Pour a Drink, Here have another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You always think you’re prepared until you’re not. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and take a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhett’s POV where he sees a different side of Link. (Reminder that in this universe everything is the same…except that Link is genderfluid)

_ You should never tell your mother _

_ You could give it time _

_ Pour a drink, here, have another _

_ Cause this is gonna Blow. Your. Mind. _

 

It’s been a while.

That’s what Rhett was thinking when he got a text from Link saying to meet in a local bar you both love. Neither of them really drink all that much, or even go out together. Schedules, families, morals and just time doesn’t allow it. Plus, it’s always nice to be in a room full of people you know and like instead of a crowded room filled with undesirable strangers. 

But you’re excited. You haven’t really spent a lot of time with Link outside of work, and you’re kind of wondering if he’s alright. You know that Link wants space and if he ever wanted anything from you, he would text you. ‘Well he’s texting you right now!’ and you’re elated. You try to hide your giddiness of seeing your best friend after a long time of not seeing one another in a relaxing environment, but you can’t scope him out anywhere. You can’t see anyone with dark hair or glasses from a glance at all. 

Then you see a person from the back and you think you’re imagining things. This cannot be real. This is a mirage.

From the back, the person has long dark hair and a black hat with a wide brim, wearing a purple “boho chic” dress, and sandals. You wouldn’t have set this person apart from any other Coachella-ers on a given day (it is LA after all…), but you  _ recognize this outfit _ . The lighting isn’t the best in this bar anyway, and usually the music is overly confident that it’s fitting everyone’s taste when it’s really just catering to 40 year old dad tendencies, but despite all of that you recognize this person. 

 

It’s  **Angel** . 

 

Your mind is sent reeling. How could it be? This is impossible! This isn’t a joke is it? It’s not an unplanned sketch is it? It couldn’t be, it’s a weekend, and they’re not supposed to do anything til Monday. You ask yourself at least 3 questions. 

  1. Why is Link doing this?
  2. Why on Earth dress like THAT character?
  3. What is going on?



(Notice how you never question why you’re still standing here and not walking away, and why you’re still attracted to this character)

You decide to figure out what’s happening to some extent, just to calm your nerves and act like nothing’s wrong. “Hey, how’s it goin’?” You tap Angel on the shoulder. She turns in your direction and gives a quirk of the lip. “It’s goin’” She shrugs and pats the seat next to her. You can tell she’s probably as nervous as you (probably...but then again, she seems a lot more confident than in the sketch from the First Date scene). 

“Rhett…..This isn’t something that I wanted to involve you in, or even tell anyone else but I think you should know. You’re my best friend, and I know that I can talk to you no matter what right?” Angel fidgeted in her seat. She spoke softly, but still loud enough to be heard over the annoying hit’s of the 80’s. You order a beer, and the bartender slides it down. 

It was so surreal. This person was almost completely different from Link in all ways imaginable. Yes, even though technically this was Link’s body and face and voice, all of the mannerisms and energy was not at all the same. Choosing to acknowledge all of this information, Rhett elected to choose his wording very carefully. He remember when Link told him that instead of joking about his “anal retentiveness”, Link said that he really  _ did  _ have OCPD and would really appreciate if Rhett didn’t joke around anymore about that kind of thing. 

“Of course you can, you can tell me anything. We go all the way back to first grade.” Rhett gave a reassuring smile (or at least, he hoped it would be reassuring). 

“Uh, yeah.” Angel giggled nervously. “So you know how you love to talk about the multiverse theory? How there’s always a different kind of reality than our own?” she said raising her eyebrows. 

Rhett nodded fast, he loved that theory! Even though he knew that the scientific community didn’t like when artists appropriated scientific words for creative reasons, he still loved it. 

“Well…..what if I told you….that” Angel took a deep breath and started again, “What if I told you, that the reality you know where Link and Rhett are two best friends, blood brothers existed but not in this universe?”

Rhett furrowed his brow, he didn’t understand. “I don’t understand.”

Angel took a drink, and a deep breath again, “What if I told you that in this universe, Link is actually not a cis man? Link’s not male 100% at least? What if I told you that Angel wasn’t just a character in a sketch but was also part of Link?”

 

Rhett sat there for a minute taking this all in. No sudden movements, no sudden communication. He took a drink. He didn’t want to give away that he was too shocked, but just sitting there made Angel all the more nervous. “So, you’re telling me that the Link that I’ve known doesn’t actually exist? But Angel does?”

“Yes, no, not quite.” Angel shook her head. “The Link you know is here, I’m Link! That’s true, but sometimes, I’m also Angel.” she gestured at her outfit. “I’ve just been thinking about this way too long, and researching everything that I’ve thought or felt for the last 2 years and I just think that my gender is much more complex than ‘man’, ya know?” Angel breathed out. “A lot of people would label me as ‘genderfluid’ maybe? Just the idea that I feel more feminine sometimes, and I’d like to finally express that. I don’t identify as a cis man all of the time. Sometimes yeah, I definitely am a father and a husband, but there’s also this part of me that has never seen the light of day. That’s Angel. I came up with her long before the sketch we did, but that was one way I could be her for once. I dunno. It’s a lot to take in, I get that.” Angel merely shrugged and sipped on a drink.

 

Rhett asked, “So, is it like a split personality thing? You’re Link one day, and Angel the next?”

Angel answered, “Not exactly. That’s an outdated term, by the way, but no. I’m always both of them always, but it just depends how comfortable I feel presenting on a daily basis.”

Starting to process and understand this, Rhett smiled and took Angel’s hand. “Angel it is? I want to let you know that you’re still my best friend. I’m here for you. I may not ‘get’ it yet, but I don’t want you to feel bad or uncomfortable. I want to be here for you, is that okay?”

Angel’s face lit up and she hugged him. 

 

Now there’s only one problem. How will Rhett tell Angel that he’s in love with her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are taken from Vanessa Carlton's "Operator", it's seriously so good. I recommend her whole album 'Liberman'. Again, please let me know what your thoughts are I'd love to know.


	4. I'm old enough to know, Too young to let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You always think you’re prepared until you’re not. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and take a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link/Angel’s POV on coming out as genderfluid to Rhett and the conversation that follows. TW: mentions of transmisogyny near the end. Kind of a heavy chapter, based on my own feelings of dysphoria a bit. Definitely the longest chapter yet.

_ As your castle crumbles down and it will, _

_ Take it easy, Take it easy _

 

It’s been a while.

 

That’s what Link was thinking when they were getting into some more femme clothes to be ‘Angel’ in public in the first time, and not for comedy reasons. Angel can be everything Link can’t. This isn’t to say that Angel is completely separate from Link or that femininity and masculinity are mutually exclusive, but it’s about going out and knowing that people are looking at you differently because of what they’ve been brought up with. You know that gender is a social construct, but what does that exactly mean to other people? Right. They don’t know. Or choose not to know.

 

You decide that you look really good. You’re wearing the same exact outfit you did in the “First Date Farts” sketch so that Rhett can recognize you. Looking in the car mirror, you can breathe a little bit. Your eye makeup looks excellent. You put on a black sun hat because why not? A little whimsy never hurt anyone. You decide to order a drink deemed ‘girly’ because you can. You give a flirty smile at the bartender, because you can. You take a deep breath and text Rhett to meet you, all of you not because you can but you should and you want to. 

 

You’re so fucking nervous. You’re glad the lights are dim and the music is loud enough to drown out your thoughts. Your mind is spinning and you’re on the verge of throwing up. You can clearly picture your best friend of thirty-plus years being completely disgusted and walking away. Walking away from everything. But you hope that’s not the case. Rhett is a good man, he’s a good person. He cares about you. At least he cares about Link, that’s for sure. He cares about the company and he cares about the fans. It’s time to take a drink of your very colorful drink and wait. You admire your drink for a moment, being a little too embarrassed to order drink like this unless Christy was with you, but it tastes great and it’s very pretty. 

At this point, it’s just the waiting game. You know it’s only been 10 minutes but it’s felt like 10 hours. It’s like a ticking time bomb, your head and heart feels like exploding. 

 

**Tick.**

 

**Tock.**

 

**Tick.**

 

**Tock.**

 

Then you hear a familiar voice, “How’s it goin’?” and someone taps you on the shoulder. It’s time. You say as calmly as possible, “It’s goin’”. You shrug and pat the seat next to you, it’s all you can do to not run away. It’s time, it’s really time and it’s happening. Words are falling out of your mouth and you can’t believe it. You’ve practiced so long talking to yourself in the mirror, but this time it’s real. 

 

“Rhett…..This isn’t something that I wanted to involve you in, or even tell anyone else but I think you should know. You’re my best friend, and I know that I can talk to you no matter what right?” You say in kind of a sheepish way. You’re not embarrassed, but you’re so fucking scared. The music is annoying but you push through. It feels like he hasn’t answered in forever. Sure, Rhett’s had enough time to order himself a damn beer and take a sip, but he still hasn’t answered you!

 

Rhett finally speaks: “Of course you can, you can tell me anything. We go all the way back to first grade.” he smiles. You try not to roll your eyes. Sure, all the way back to first grade. But can our friendship go further than childhood? Can we move past the past?

 

You finally bring up the multiverse theory. You know that Rhett loves that and maybe it’ll connect to him on some level that gender identity doesn’t. He looks at you when he doesn’t understand, cocking his head like a confused child. You’re kind of irritated but you do want to explain everything in detail. You take a deep breath and your words tumble out, “What if I told you that in this universe, Link is actually not a cis man? Link’s not male 100% at least? What if I told you that Angel wasn’t just a character in a sketch but was also part of Link?” You raise an eyebrow. Does he get it this time? Is this crystal clear?

 

Rhett McLaughlin is making you nervous. He just sits, and sits, and sits. Taking it in, but you want to get this over with already. “So, you’re telling me that the Link that I’ve known doesn’t actually exist? But Angel does?”

 

You shake your head. Ugh. No, yes, kinda? You try to explain, “The Link you know is here, I’m Link! That’s true, but sometimes, I’m also Angel.” you gesture at your outfit. “I’ve just been thinking about this way too long, and researching everything that I’ve thought or felt for the last 2 years and I just think that my gender is much more complex than ‘man’, ya know?” you breathed out. “A lot of people would label me as ‘genderfluid’ maybe? Just the idea that I feel more feminine sometimes, and I’d like to finally express that. I don’t identify as a cis man all of the time. Sometimes yeah, I definitely am a father and a husband, but there’s also this part of me that has never seen the light of day. That’s Angel. I came up with her long before the sketch we did, but that was one way I could be her for once. I dunno. It’s a lot to take in, I get that.” you merely shrug and sip on a drink.

 

Rhett asked, “So, is it like a split personality thing? You’re Link one day and Angel the next?”

You answer, “Not exactly. That’s an outdated term, by the way, but no. I’m always both of them always, but it just depends how comfortable I feel presenting on a daily basis.”

 

“Angel it is? I want to let you know that you’re still my best friend. I’m here for you. I may not ‘get’ it yet, but I don’t want you to feel bad or uncomfortable. I want to be here for you, is that okay?”

You think ‘Finally! He gets it!’  You smile and feel relieved. You hug your best friend, and you’re happy. Happy and not as nearly as stressed. Phew. A load is off your shoulders and now you can just have a drink and relax. Maybe…until Rhett starts asking more questions.

 

“So are you going to have a surgery or go on any hormones or anything?” Rhett casually asks when taking a drink. You stare at him for about 5 seconds with wide eyes. You lean in really close and whisper in his ear: “That’s none of your goddamn business.” He looks shocked, but you just lean away and smirk. “Common Rhett! What’re you thinking! That’s between me and my body alone dude! I know we’re best friends and all but gosh! That’s really personal okay? You don’t ask that.” You roll your eyes and focus on the ground, angry that he would even be that rude.

Rhett seems thrown off-guard (he should be!). “Uh, ermm. Well, what would you say the biggest differences are when you’re dressing up like Link vs. Angel?” He raised an eyebrow, trying to make sure it’s a ‘safe’ question. 

 

You give him a look. “Oh you know, at least I can walk into Panera Bread and feel comfortable.” Rhett nods ‘knowingly’. You smack him on the arm, “I’m joking, man! No, for real though. I get looks on the street now. Sometimes they make me feel good, but a lot of the times, I feel bad. I feel like they think that I’m a man in a dress or something. It makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. Like a freak. Maybe it’s in my head, maybe it isn’t. I dunno.” You shrug. You’ve been honest, all you’ve been is honest. There’s just one more thing. “Oh, Rhett? Just one more thing: I, Angel, use She/Her pronouns. Link uses They pronouns for now on. Got it?”

 

Rhett looks a little confused, but you know that he’ll get it. Information is at his fingertips from the internet, if he chooses not to learn then it’s just ignorance at that point. 

 

You continue, “Now I know it’s not the easiest getting used to new pronouns for people, but it really means a lot to me. Every Time someone misgenders me, it feels like someone is piercing my heart everytime.” You take a sip of your drink. Rhett smiles and nods understandingly,  “You’re my best friend, of course I want to make you feel comfortable and safe. I won’t ever try to hurt you.” You interject, “But if you mess up, I will correct you. And if you do mess up, just accept it and move on. It’s simple.”

 

Rhett is finally on board and you are excited. You’re finally excited that you can live your live at least a little bit more at peace than before. He’s giving you a look now, and you don’t know how to feel about it. He whispers to you, “How about we get outta here and back to my place?”

 

You stare at him in bewilderment. Now it’s your turn to be confused. “What? What do you mean? I have to get home to Christy soon.” He looks all the more confused, “So you’re not into men or me at all?”

 

Your jaw drops, you answer with a resounding, “No! I do not! What would give you that idea?!” Rhett gestures towards your outfit and you give him dead eyes. “Dude, gender identity does not equal sexuality. And gender identity doesn’t equate gender expression. I still love women. I still love my wife. You’re just my best friend. I love you dearly, but strictly in a family type way, okay?” you pat his shoulder. 

 

You don’t know what got into his head but you need to get out of yours. “Yes, Christy knows and she’s known about Angel for a long time. I need to get back to her soon. I’ll see you on Monday.”

 

You start to walk toward the parking lot and you think to yourself about the kind of attention you’ll receive from Rhett dressing like this. You’re not quite sure if this is a good thing, or a bad thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out "Take it Easy" By Vanessa Carlton. You know what to do, comment, like, subscribe ;)


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